also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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