GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
