Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
where are my eyebrows?
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