I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
