I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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