god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
