She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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