she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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