I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
