Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
