I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
