tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
