I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
