I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
