dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
