We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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