Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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