Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
