Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
