Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
