He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
only you would photoshop your dick
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
