Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
