He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
