i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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