it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
