it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We talked him into tasing himself.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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