Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
