Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
