it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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