In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
