Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
