So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
