Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
