Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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