why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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