he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
