You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
