I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
