i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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