I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
