Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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