don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
