It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
