you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
