I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
