I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
