Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
