I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
