meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
