hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
